Thursday, January 31, 2008

Divorce In Islam - The Quranic Perspective


As a student of Quran, I am giving below questions that deal with the issue of divorce. There are lot of misconceptions regarding this issue which I hope can be removed. I would like your opinion on aspects which you think need to be highlighted. I have given references of verses and they are posted at the end. I have dealt with Divorce in the following with purely Quranic point of view - nothing else.

Q. Does pronouncing 'talaq' (divorce) 3 times nullify a marriage bond? “my husband pronounced the word 'divorce' more than three times, the first time we were back together within the iddat but the second time he said the word more than three times, and within a week he told me that he was in anger and he did not mean to divorce me.”
A. No. Uttering the word ‘talaq’ or divorce 3 times does not nullify a marriage bond. You have to appoint an arbiter from both the sides (4:35 - Sura Nisa Verse 35). It is a 'process' whereby husband and wife choose to separate. Its does not rest upon the whims of the husband.

Q. Does divorce take effect immediately?

A. There is a 4 month period for the divorce to take effect when the husband and wife decide to divorce (2:226). If they want to reconcile - more the better. After 4 months, the Divorce takes effect but a woman can not remarry as she has to wait for 3 menstrual cycles (iddat) (2:228). Both can still reconcile but after the end of this period, divorce is final and for that 2 witnesses have to be present (65:2).

Q. Can the divorce be given during pregnancy?

A. Divorce is a process. An arbiter from both sides has to be appointed (4:35). There is a 4 month period for the divorce to take effect (2:226) and so there is no issue of divorce taking effect when the wife is pregnant, she is menstruating, the husband was intoxicated, the husband was angry, he sent divorce through email, he did not mean it or he was joking.

Q. Is it true that Islam has vested the right to divorce with the husband only and not the wife?


A. This is not true. It is a process whereby husband and wife decide to divorce. (2:227)

Q. Is forced divorce accepted as divorce in Islam?

A. As already stated, it is a process and not a unilateral action by a certain person. Furthermore you have to have 2 witnesses in case of divorce to take effect (65:2). Witnesses are for the purpose that forced divorce does not take place. Arbiters from both the parties are to be appointed as well (4:35).

Q. What is 'Iddat' according to Quran?


A. 'Iddat' according to Quran are 3 menstruation cycles that a divorced woman has to observe before marrying again. This is to check for pregnancy. (2:228)
As for women who have reached menopause - their iddat is 3 months.
For women who are not menstruating for any reason - their iddat is 3 months.
For women who do not menstruate and are pregnant- their iddat ends when they deliver the child (65:4).

Q. What if someone does not observe 'iddat'?

A. There are guidelines in Quran for observing iddat and not otherwise. It will be better to observe iddat because it will remove a lot of ambiguities (perhaps). What is the hurry any way in remarrying?

Q. Can the husband evict the wife from house during the 3 month course?


A. She cannot be evicted from the house during this time (65:1).

Q. What if the husband is abusive and the woman does not want to stay with him? Should a woman stay in the same house during this waiting period?

A. There is no restriction on her to stay in the same house during this course.

Q. But Verse (65:1) states that she should stay at the same place?

A. In my opinion, the verse states the responsibilities of husband and wife. He can not evict her from the house and she is advised to better stay put. This is a general guideline so that reconciliation between the two can take place. As the verse states... "...Thou knowest not: it may be that Allah will afterward bring some new thing to pass."

Q. I have read that when the husband divorces his wife, she will have to spend her ‘Iddat’ in the matrimonial home. She must not leave the house during the day nor at night. Is it true?


A. Nowhere the wife is restricted to spend the ‘iddat’ at the husbands place and she is not prohibited from leaving the house as well.

Q. What if the divorced woman has no where to go, what should be done?

A. After the divorce, the husband is not allowed to force the wife out of the home and he is not allowed to misbehave with her (65:6 and 2:231). She can stay at the same place.

Q. Can a husband force the wife to stay with him after divorce?

A. He can not keep her with him against her wish if she does not want to stay at that place (2:231).

Q. I have heard that a Muslim woman is not entitled to ongoing maintenance. Is it true? Shall a divorced woman be provided for maintenance?

A. A divorced woman can not be forced out of the house by the husband (65:6). The ex-husband has to provide for her according to his means (2:241), of course it has to be an equitable provision (65:7).

Q. I have read that 'A woman observing the Iddat should neither go out of the house nor remarry, nor indulge in beautifying herself through make-up. Is it true?

A. She is only disallowed to re-marry. She can do whatever she pleases to do otherwise.

Q. Can the ex-husband and wife come back again after divorce?

A. Yes they can (2:232).


Q. What if the husband is missing for 60 days? Does divorce take effect?


A. Quran is silent when either of the spouse is 'missing' for any reason for whatever number of days. The reason for this is that it is left for the individual/ court or State to decide what is the best possible means to protect or promote the interests of either of the spouse. So do what is deemed best.

If you find this information useful or otherwise, do comment.

Quranic References:

4:35 - And if ye fear a breach between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware.

2:226 - Those who forswear their wives must wait four months; then, if they change their mind, lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

2:227 - But if their intention is firm for divorce, Allah heareth and knoweth all things.

2:228 - Women who are divorced shall wait, keeping themselves apart, three (monthly) courses. And it is not lawful for them that they should conceal that which Allah hath created in their wombs if they are believers in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands would do better to take them back in that case if they desire a reconciliation. And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.

2:231 - When ye have divorced women, and they have reached their term, then retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. Retain them not to their hurt so that ye transgress (the limits). He who doeth that hath wronged his soul. Make not the revelations of Allah a laughing-stock (by your behaviour), but remember Allah's grace upon you and that which He hath revealed unto you of the Scripture and of wisdom, whereby He doth exhort you. Observe your duty to Allah and know that Allah is Aware of all things.

2:232 - When ye divorce women, and they fulfil the term of their ('Iddat), do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe in Allah and the Last Day. That is (the course Making for) most virtue and purity amongst you and Allah knows, and ye know not.

2:241 - For divorced women Maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.

65:1 - O Prophet! When ye (men) put away women, put them away for their (legal) period and reckon the period, and keep your duty to Allah, your Lord. Expel them not from their houses nor let them go forth unless they commit open immorality. Such are the limits (imposed by) Allah; and whoso transgresseth Allah's limits, he verily wrongeth his soul. Thou knowest not: it may be that Allah will afterward bring some new thing to pass.

65:2 - Then, when they have reached their term, take them back in kindness or part from them in kindness, and call to witness two just men among you, and keep your testimony upright for Allah. Whoso believeth in Allah and the Last Day is exhorted to act thus. And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him,

65:4 - And for such of your women as despair of menstruation, if ye doubt, their period (of waiting) shall be three months, along with those who have it not. And for those with child, their period shall be till they bring forth their burden. And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, He maketh his course easy for him.

65:6 - Lodge them where ye dwell, according to your wealth, and harass them not so as to straiten life for them. And if they are with child, then spend for them till they bring forth their burden. Then, if they give suckle for you (off-spring), give them their due payment and consult together in kindness; but if ye make difficulties for one another, then let some other woman give suckle for him.

65:7 - Let him who hath abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah hath given him. Allah asketh naught of any soul save that which He hath given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.

Check My Other Posts:

79 comments:

NB said...

Hey Postman, did you get my email?

Desi Lawyer said...

Q. What if someone does not observe 'iddat'?

A. There are guidelines in Quran for observing iddat and not otherwise. It will be better to observe iddat because it will remove a lot of ambiguities (perhaps). What is the hurry any way?


Postman, that's a great blog you've got going on here. I'm a little disturbed by your answer to this question though. A lady, who has recently gotten divorced, may or may not the financial backing of her family.

She may have children or other dependents to support, bills to pay. How is that lady supposed to go out and earn her living if she has to sit at home for the entire period of her iddat? and where's the hurry you ask?

PostMan said...

'Whats the hurry' as in 'whats the hurry in getting remarried. Not of anything else.

Anonymous said...

aoa, im maried for 1 yr my hb wasnt comfortable with my family so he did not allow me to contact them throughout this 1 yr at all,he then sent me to my parents place saying i shold ask them to apologize to him otherwise he'll divorce me,when i came back i found that i was pregnant he asked me to abort the child as he wanted to divorc me but i disagreed,out of rage he sent me the 1st otice of divorce ,after dat he has called me for several times n asked me to cm back,bu my family says he must come here n take me along n allow me a normal onact with my parents but he's not agreeing on it,i want to know will i be divorcd after 3 months or no till the baby is born n shud i go back against my family 's will or not?plz do ans me i really need help .thanks

PostMan said...

Salam.

Divorce does not get affected unless and until the parties/ families try to reconcile and if no solution arises they go for divorce process witnessed by 2 people. That's the Quranic criteria.

So in light of Quranic guidance, you will not be divorced after 3 months. Try to settle your issues as the life of a baby is now involved too. My prayers that your issues get resolved.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

aoa dear post man tx for replying,
only my husband is talking on his behalf no one from his family is taking a step forward he want me back but my family says unless n untill somebody from his family comes up they wont letme go...im still pregnant n he said if i'll not go back he'll send the second notice of divorce...
what shud i do now?

PostMan said...

Salam.

I can only pray that things turn out good for you. Keep talking to your family and husband.. in the end. its just you, your husband and the life of your due child that matters.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

aoa is it allowed in islam that a husband can stop his wife from meeting her parents n siblings just becoz he thinks that they dont respect him enough?is it justified according to islam...?

PostMan said...

Whether religious or not - this condition is unethical to say the least and of course it is not justified. Try to build a mutual understanding.

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I have married my maternal cousin about 1 year ago and we love each other and our relation was about 12 years old before marriage. As we are married without asking our parents and when the news was published her father tried to force her to divorce me and she curried to me and I had nothing to do against her father because she is already 21 years old but according to her school certificate she is 17 years old. And her father always threaten me not to communicate with her but sometimes we communicate with each other. One month ago her father forced her to divorce me and did without asking me because her parents always tortured on her badly. We already lost our 2 month baby forced by her parents and aborted the baby but I had nothing to do because her parent is very rich and threats me to send me jail.

We still sometimes meet with each other but I am not sure it is illegal or not. Could you please help me what should I do now. Is she already divorced from me or not?

PostMan said...

My prayers for you.

Egos have taken a life, unfortunate really. According to Quran, forced divorce does not exist since you have to have 2 arbiters for that purpose (Sura Nisa 4:35) so both of you are still spouses.

Take the hint from Quran, choose a sound-headed person from her family and one from yours, make them talk and then through them make your families talk. I hope things turn out good for you both.

Peace.

Anonymous said...

Salam, my husband says he said i 'divodes' u instead of 'divorce' and the divorce didnt take place. please please i need an answer to my ques asap. i'll be grateful

PostMan said...

Divorce is a process and not mere utterance of words. So in your case divorce does not take effect.

Peace

Anonymous said...

I once had an argument with my husband and in my anger i asked him to divorce me when i was so sure that he won't, i thought he would stop fighting with me if i asked him for this, but he said 'ok you are divorced' and i was in a great state of shock and depression, I regretted my words greatly and asked Allah subhan talah to forgive me for this evil act. Allah knows that i didnt intend my husband to divorce me at all, i love him so much. i did alot of tauba. pls tell me if the divorce took place. my husband at first was not giving me but then when i said it to him 2 or 3 times, he said it. n he says he said it because i asked him to. please let me knw if divorce is constituted or not. thanks.

PostMan said...

Salam.

As stated earlier, divorce does not take effect by mere utterance of words. It requires two witnesses to take effect (Sura 65:2).

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AJ said...

Salam hru? I need some help.. By missunderstandin n listening to other ppl I gave my wife divorce.. I wrote it on the computer n mailed the paper to her house... But now I have realiE that I made the biggest mistake of my lyfe... So wat can I do to get my wife back... We r willin to come baq together but wat is the right step to do....

AJ said...

Salam hru? I need some help.. By missunderstandin n listening to other ppl I gave my wife divorce.. I wrote it on the computer n mailed the paper to her house... But now I have realiE that I made the biggest mistake of my lyfe... So wat can I do to get my wife back... We r willin to come baq together but wat is the right step to do....Thank u for helpin me out... N plzz pray dat everythin work out.. Ammeen

PostMan said...

walaikum salam AJ.

According to Quran, you need to appoint arbiters (Chapter 4:35) from the two sides to resolve dispute(s). Further you requires two witnesses (Chapter 65:2)for the divorce to take effect. So in your case, according to Quran, divorce did not take place.

Peace.

AJ said...

walaikum salam
thank u for helping me.. Okay the thing I don't understand is dat u said I needed 2 witness in order for the divorce to be in affect right...I didn't have 2 witness. I have another question I was reading dis on the website if u divorce ur wife in angry dose dat mean ur divorced? Who should I talk too..

PostMan said...

Yes the two witness criteria is in Chapter 65 verse 2. Divorce is a process so mere utterances of words 'talaq' or 'divorce' carry no effect whether you are angry or just joking.

AJ said...

salam
thanx again for responding back.. So in angry or by listening to other divorce does not get affected right? U know where in Quran it said.. I mean which chapter and verse... Please

PostMan said...

The requisite of arbiters (chapter 4:35) and of two witnesses (chapter 65:2) provide ample grounds for divorce to be a process instead of an instance of emotions.

Personal Injury Attorney Houston said...

I totally agree with desi lawyer here. There should be some financial backings to the divorced lady.

Anonymous said...

Dear Blogger,
your blog provides great info on Islam law and Religion . I am a legal researcher and recently researching on "effect of pregnancy on Iddat".Its been gr8 help frm ur side . Thanks...
21 /Female - India

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Alaikum,
Can you please explain the process of talaq a little more clearly for me, i understand you have said "Divorce is a process and not mere utterance of words." but what is this process, so from what i understand, you are saying that if 'talaq/i divorce you' has been said it is not valid unless both parties agree on this and 2 eye witnesses are available?? please clarify for me, thankyou

assalamu alaykum

Postman said...

Wsalam.
Yes divorce is a process and it is like this.
1 - If the intention is of divorce then there is a period of 4 months for divorce to take effect. (Quran 2:226). Arbiters from her family and his family have to be appointed so that they can reconcile. (Quran 4:36)
2- After the end of 4 months, divorce will take effect if they dont want to be together and for that 2 witnesses have to present (Quran 65:2)

Regards

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Alaykum
Thankyou for your reply, but that would still mean 1 divorcehas been issued whether they reconcile or not, correct? And also another question: is divorce valid during pregnancy? thankyou
Assalamu Alaykum

PostMan said...

According to 2:226, there is a waiting period of 4 months for divorce to take effect. If they reconcile then there is no divorce 'Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.' the verse says

For pregnancy, please refer to my comment No.5 above.

Anonymous said...

Assalamwalaikum,

Can you explain me the whole process of divorce if husband and wife have not had intercourse since after thier marriage..even should they go through iddah..

PostMan said...

walaikum salam.

For those that have not had intercourse and divorce, there is dowry to be given by groom and no iddah (waiting period) for women.

Quran 33:49 - O ye who believe! When ye marry believing women, and then divorce them before ye have touched them, no period of 'Iddat have ye to count in respect of them: so give them a present. And set them free in a handsome manner.

Anonymous said...

if the divorce has taken place on mutual consent by both the party and it has been signed on bond paper also stating that both the parties agrees to the things mention in the letter and it has been signed by both the parties parents also and the wife is staying in her parents home for more than last 8 months after signing the document is anything more required for divorce

Kindly reply

PostMan said...

Nothing is required it seems :) the only thing visible, apparently, is the unwillingness for parting ways :)

My apologies for getting personal.

Regards

Anonymous said...

You said--For those that have not had intercourse and divorce, there is dowry to be given by groom and no iddah (waiting period) for women.

can you tell me what dowry is to be given and is it applicable if they take the divorce mutually by their wish...and what if one of them is not ready to let go with the same relation even after more than a year..

PostMan said...

Dowry is a prerequisite for marriage. It has got nothing to do with Divorce per se.

4:25 - ... And those of whom ye seek content (by marrying them), give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no sin for you in what ye do by mutual agreement after the duty (hath been done). Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Wise.

This gift from husband to his wife should be at the start of marriage.

If that has not taken place then I am sure you both can find a reasonable solution.

Regards

Anonymous said...

jazakallah khairul jaza for your reply but sorry to say i didnt understand the sentence in which you wrote " is the unwillingness for parting ways "

And i have not said talaq vocally i have written the word divorce on the paper which was duly signed by my ex wife

please reply

PostMan said...

Perhaps my statement of 'the unwillingness for parting ways' is related to your later reply of 'and what if one of them is not ready to let go with the same relation even after more than a year..'

Anyways forget about the above. Divorce is a process which requires 2 witnesses to be present and both parties agreeing to it. Seems like your ex-wife is not agreeing to this scenario whereas everyone else has agreed for the divorce.

My prayers for you both - may God provide a solution.

Anonymous said...

Salaam,
My husband divorced me when i was 5 months pregnant, no witness as such but i called his brother and informed him then. We continued living together with the intention of reconciliation but there was no intercourse as i was expecting. (first iddah period).

After 6 weeks of delivery and after first mensus,there was again a fight and he divorced me second time,my mother was a witness. We left the house. After two weeks i returned to the house and am currently living with him. I have not allowed him to touch me as yet and in the time being have had my second mensus post delivery (second iddah time period).

I am very confused.I have been divorced twice, have not established sexual relationship with my partner since first divorce and now my second iddah is in progress...do we need a nikkah to reconcile, i dont want to commit a sin. Please advise...

Thanks

PostMan said...

Dear Anonymous,

Divorce is a procedure in which mutual consent of the parties is required for the intention of divorce, then 3 menstrual cycle phase and then 2 witnesses for divorce if there is no intention of reconciliation.

In your case, as per "Quranic" guidelines, there was no divorce in the first place. Divorce is not a joke that either of the party was angry so uttering mere words results in divorce.

If both of you intend to reconcile, more the better. No need for the nikah. Why fix it if aint broken they say :)

My prayers.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Alaikum,
my husband pronounced tallaq 8 months ago in present of two witnesses but i was not present there.even he did not inform me about it.after 2 months i got a tallaq notice from court.it was the notice for the reconciliation meeting.but i saw that the date is already expired.i tried a lot to contact with him but failed.after that i did not get any notices from the court for the reconciliation meeting.4 months ago i got a letter from the court that the divorce is granted as i was not presented there the court took the decision one sided.how would i present?i did not get any notice.all are saying that the divorce is valid.is it really valid?he cheated me.he hided all the notices.

PostMan said...

Dear Anonymous.

Salam. Sorry to hear about the situation had to forbear. My prayers and sympathies with you.

First thing first, the divorce did not take place according to Quran.

Second thing, and most importantly, you will have to find a legal way to seek a redressal for yourself as court is already involved. Get services of a lawyer? Wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Aalaikum,
thank a lot to reply me.i heard that tallaq is only the right of the husband.if he says that he did not want to reconcile and that's why he hide the notices then the divorce must take place according to islam.the wife has nothing to do.i read many articles on this topic.but could not get anything properly.some articles say that 3 talaq in one sitting are considered as one talaq and some say that 3 talaq in one sitting are 3 talaq.which one is right?

PostMan said...

According to Quran, Talaq is not the right of husband and is mutual process of sepatation between husband and wife. Saying the words talaq 3 times in one instance or separate instances does not make any difference because divorce does not take place like that. In today's Islam, the husband can do anything he wants which of couse is not correct.

May we be guided. Regards.

Anonymous said...

hi i want to know how many witnesses do you need in order to get a divorce? is it two from each side or one from each side?

PostMan said...

Hi there, Quran 65:2 states '...and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice...'. So the condition is for 2 witness who are just. Its not about which party they belong to.
Regards.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu Alaikum,
thanks for ur reply.from ur article i came to know that without following the Quranic procedures,husband cannot divorce his wife.it does not depend on the whim of the husband.i have a query regarding the following hadith on this matter.pls help me to understand the matter more clearly.

once Rukanah pronounced three divorces against his wife but later he was very sorry for it. When the Prophet (pbuh) asked him, How did you divorce your wife? Rukanah replied that he had pronounced three divorces. The Prophet asked, Did you pronounce it in one sitting? When he said, Yes, the Noble Prophet said, Treat it as one divorce only and if you want you can take your wife back. And Rukanah took his wife back.
here Prophet (pbuh) did not say to his sahaba that he did not follow the Quranic procedures to divorce his wife that's why divorce did not take place rather the Prophet (pduh) said that one divorce take place.so how can u say that husband is compelled to follow the Quranic procedures to divorce his wife, otherwise the divorce will not be valid?some say that if the husband does not follow the procedures,he will be sinner.but divorce must take place. but u told me that if the husband does not follow the procedures, the divorce will be invalid.
u told me that as my husband did not follow the procedures,the divorce is invalid.i need mediators to make him understand the fact.would u pls tell me till the problem is not solved by the mediators,do i need to wear hijab in front of him?actually before the mediators i want to meet with him personally to convince him.in that case can i put off my hijab or beauty myself in front of him?

may Allah bless u.
salma

PostMan said...

w'salam Salma,

My answer is purely based on instructions from Quran - not any other source. That is the reason you can see quite a lot of contradictions in what I am telling you and what actually takes place these days. Regarding your quotation of hadith - my stance is very simple. Anything that goes against Quran was not said by the Prophet pbuh. It is what I believe in.

Now to your case. You can meet him and you can argue with him whether in hijab or not, the question is whether he wants to reconcile or not. I just hope and pray that thing turn out good in your favour.

Take care.

Anonymous said...

thnx 4 ur reply.if he doesnot want reconcialiation,then wil the divorce takes place immediately or it wil take again 90days to be effective?

PostMan said...

The 3 menstrual cycles or 90 days wait, as you put it, is to check for pregnancy according to Quran 2:228. So if no sexual contact has been made and the time has already passed then the divorce will take effect. Do check if there is any legal requirement involved for the location you are in, if applicable.

Regards.

PostMan said...

.. and make sure you get a legal paper of divorce so there is no exploitation or confusion afterwards. This in case if he does not want any reconcilliation. My prayers.

Anonymous said...

earlier by seeing my post on 23 august u replied that the divorce did not take place as my husband hide the reconcialiation notices.so if he doesnt want reconciliation,does not go throgh the quaranic procedures?or his earlier decision wil be applicable?

PostMan said...

Look. There are 2 aspects to it - religious and legal.

If you go by Quranic criteria then the divorce did not take place at all. The question is whether you and your husband agree to Quran as basis of this solution.

If he does not agree then only a State (government) by Law can provide some solution. That is why I am advising you to get some legal help as to what should be course to follow so that your interests are safeguarded in the future.

Anonymous said...

actually he doe not know the actual Quranic procedures.he thinks that talaq is on the hand of the husband and whenever husband pronounced it,it will be effective.till now i dont know the actual date of his pronouncing talaq.though he said 2 months ago through a mail that 8 months ago he pronounced talaq in front of 2 witnesses.after that he submitted divorce papers in the court.i only want to know whether Allah granted that talaq or not.what to do to make him understand the Quranic rules.if the talaq doe not take place according to Quran,then why cant i put off my hijab in front of him?only bcoz by hiding the notices of the court,he implemented the talaq?

PostMan said...

Quite a number of people, apart from your husband, do not know the Quranic version of divorce. In your case, Allah did not divorce you and your husband - society and islamic traditions have done so.

If he has submitted divorce papers in court, then the court will decide the status of your divorce. You can take the references from Quran and argue but I do not know how much that will help. I hope God creates a positive way out for you.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaikum,
on 17th august 2012 i told u about my problem.in ur reply u told me that the divorce did not take place according to Quran.i have decided now to re appeal in the court against the decision as the court does not know that i did not get the notices.but the process will take time.before that i want to meet him and want to convince him.can i do that?he is angry with me and does not to want to live with me.but i have a son also.i cant see my son growing like an orphan.i decided that i will take some step personally to convince him.can i go and meet him.we r separated for a long time.if i go there, do i need to wear hijab in front of him until i re appeal in the court to know the status of our divorce?

Anonymous said...

salam,
2 yrs ago i had a fight with my husband.i left the home and came to parents' home.after that my parents said my husband had to come to take me back.but he was not comfortable with my parents.so he told me that i had to com by my own if i want to live with him.after that his uncle tried to reconcile.but for the interference of my parents in law he did not come to take me back.after that my cousin also tried to reconcile.but he was firm in his decision that he would not come.and my parents also did not let me go by my own.my cousin out of rage misbehaved with my husband.and then he pronounced talaq but without informing me.after that he also send the talaq notice.i tried a lot to contact with him but could not do so.3 menstrual cycle also passed.i did not want the divorce.and he does not want the reconciliation now.am i divorced?

PostMan said...

According to Quran, according to your case, divorce did not take place. YOu state that you did not get Court notices so I assume legally too you are not divorced (do seek clarification).

For the sake of your son, as you state, you should meet with him and discuss. This is your right and so is your son's right that his parents are with him. And do not worry about abaya or anything, if you want to wear it then do - otherwise you do not have to.

The situation you are in is a mess with lots of egos involved. My prayers.

Anonymous said...

assalamu alaikum,
would u please give me some references from Quran and hadiths that without reconciliation meeting divorce does not take place?

PostMan said...

Unfortunately there is no verse which would indicate that without reconciliation meeting - divorce will not take effect. Notwithstanding this fact, Quran provides ample instances for reconciliation for divorce to take effect. Chapter 4:35 says to appoint arbiters so as to resolve the differences and there is a period of 4 months for divorce to take effect (2:226) and finally presence of two witnesses (65:2).

I understand your case is a bit different. Have you taken the legal counsel?

Anonymous said...

no i did not consult with any lawyer.but i talked to my husband.he is convinced that without reconciliation meeting divorce does not take any effect.what can i do now as u told that there is verse in quran which directly tells that without reconciliation meeting divorce is not valid?

Anonymous said...

today i talked to a scholar of islamic research foundation(irf).he heard my situation.he told me that it does not matter where i got any notices or not.as my husband gave it so the the divorce is valid.if i want to back we must remarry.i m really very confused.

PostMan said...

Do not be confused. Do not listen to the IRF fellow or me! Use your own mind taking in consideration what the Quran says! Divorce is a mutual process of separation and is not the result of words said by the husband. I have given you all the references. Read them again. In your case, Divorce did not take place. Plain and simple. Go and meet your husband, stay with him, provide your child with love of parents. My prayers for you.

Regards.

Anonymous said...

can divorced muslims continue connections to their ex's after remarrying new people if their are children involved, and if so what are the Islamic limitations?

PostMan said...

Dear Anonymous,
There is no limitation (no specific verse/ guidelines for that matter) on meeting with exes.
Regards.

Anonymous said...

AOA,
Please do not ignore my email and you must reply me. I am going via great mental agony. Day before yesterday i had fight with my husband and he got so much angry that he threatened me of "divorce, tallaq". He only meant to shut me thats why he used it, he said " main tumhain tallaq dy don ga" "tumhri aik tallaq ho chuki ha" but he did not say main tumhay talaq deta hon. later on when his anger cooled down, he wept and said sorry that he never meant it and i am weeping eversince. please i beg u to tell me kia istrha meri aik taalaq ho gai hai? Does it mean i am divorced once..

PostMan said...

Wsalam. Do not worry as nothing happened. divorce dif not take place as It requires a proper procedure, not just saying of words.
Regard s

Saniya Jameel said...

what if the wife left the house for more than a month and then husband gives 3 talaq at a time and then after solving all misunderstandings between them they want to get back together, they can get back together according to sunnah or not??

PostMan said...

Hello Saniya.
One of the core elements of divorce according to Qur'an was not met i.e. presence of 2 witnesses. So basically divorce did not take place.
My regards.

Anonymous said...

Please brother can you help me here. My situation is I gave 2 talaqs to my wife in the past, one at a time in a timespan of 6 months. Then 2 days ago, I gave a third one which was when we were both having a fight and both were shouting, yelling and extreme anger. I convinced by wife to stay based on Surah Talaq second ayat that "2 witnesses are required" and also based on Hadith which says "Talaq is not valid in anger". I have 2 young daughters and want to sincerely be with her and save this marriage. She is in a very confused state of mind and wants a written reply from an alim to prove her. Please can you advise on our case. - Viki

PostMan said...

Hello Viki.
Divorce does not take effect in a state of anger and yes you are right that it requires two witnesses. Kindly go through the FAQ's above to get Quranic knowledge in this regard.
P.s. I am not an alim.

Anonymous said...

Salaam,

I want to post in detail as my wife is still not satisfied and she wants me to mention in detail exactly how each divorce happened:

1. First divorce given in June 2014 without anger and wife clean and after that Ruju was performed and I took her back.

2. Second divorce in July/August 2014 without anger when wife was menstruating (periods). Ruju was done straight after that. Please confirm if this will be counted as valid or not based on Scholarly and Quranic/Hadith opinion.

3. Third time word "Talaaq" pronounced 2 weeks back during a fight and in severe anger when I lost control over my temperament and didn't have any intentions for doing so. Later I regret and still regretting and both of us still living together and don't want to separate. Wife was clean and not having periods during this. One importing factor for which I need answer is during this third time "Talaaq", I was angry. I also had physical relation with my wife during this "period of purity".

So basically, after her last periods were finished and she became pure, I had physical relation with her and up till today, she hasn't got her next periods, so this was pronounced in a period of purity when I had relation with her.

Please clarify this point.

In conclusion, I need answer based on Quran/Ahadith and factors involved such as:

1. Period during second Talaaq.
2. Anger during third Talaaq.
3. Period of purity during third Talaaq and physical relation during this purity period and Talaaq.
4. Also as there is a considerable length of time between all these divorces, does previous ones become null/void after ruju or do they stay valid ? Obviously taking into consideration factors/circumstances mentioned above.

Please can you answer these questions individually one by one and in the end give a final YES/NO answer on which she takes her decisions. We have two small daughters, 3 year and 5 year old. We are trying to sort our issues seriously and would like to continue this marriage in good intention. And also in the end conclude if so far, one, two or three divorces have been counted considering above factors.

JazakAllah
Viki

PostMan said...

I will answer your questions like this:-
1. Divorce is a process and not saying of 3 words.
2. If there occurs a situation that husband and wife find it difficult to continue then Quran advises them to appoint arbiters (4:35)
3. If they intend to divorce then there is a waiting period of 4 months (2:226). This waiting period is for a reason that if they both want to reconcile then they can.
4. If they do not want to reconcile then divorce will take place but you need 2 witnesses for that to avoid forced divorce (65:2).

If you understand this process then you will come to know that being angry or in state of fight, divorce does not take place. Wife being pregnant or menstruating has no effect whatsoever.

So all in all, in your case, divorce did not take place at all.

Which also should make you realize that Quranic way of divorce makes much sense and is totally opposite to what Muslims do in case of divorce. Point to ponder.
Anyways, I wish both of you good luck.

And do read the verses yourself that I mentioned.

Anonymous said...

Assalamualikum. ...
Plzz....solve my problem....
my husband is not in contact with me since from 8 months.....and when I contacted him before 2 or 3 days back suddenly he said me..on mobile talaq talaq, talaq....with anger..without any witnesses without knowng me...is talaq has been done...plz suggest the answer

Anonymous said...

If the person pronounce talaq talaq talaq(3 times)...is it considered as final divorce...? Or there will be a procedure lyke pronouncing talaq 3 times at once in 3 months

PostMan said...

Hello Anonymous.
As you might have read in comments just above yours - pronouncing talaq 3 times does not result in a divorce. It is a process where in arbiters are appointed, decision for talaq is made and then this is witnessed by 2 people.
May God make it easier for you.
Salam.

Anonymous said...

Asalam O Alaikum.. ive question about three talaqs and relating to notices of talaq. my husband said i give you talaq once and his mother was present at that time and she said no talaq takes place after one saying and we started living normally. he didnot sent me legal notice at that time. after some time he again in anger said that i give you talaq three times and no witness was present but i know he said it three times. he took the fatwa and said that it only occured once and we came together after month.he sent me first notice of talaq at that time . now some days back he sent me second notice with the signs of two witnesses. so my question is :
1. does notice means talaq has taken place?
2.after second notice can we reconcile? and after three months can we marry again?
3.most imp question is that m i divorced twice or thrice?
does he have to send me third notice of talaq after a month?

PostMan said...

W'salam.
As per Quran, divorce is not saying of 3 words but it is a procedure. Also, it requires 2 witnesses. So per Quranic rules, no divorce took place.
Peace.

Anonymous said...

salaams,

my story is my husband gave me 3 talaqs in one day (in fact more than 3 in one day) and it was in the presence of our family at the time. We were in the moment of having a very huge fight and because he was getting yelled at by family he just went off and shouted it out. here in south Africa, the moulanas say that because he gave it 3 times it is valid, no matter how and when he gave it. Its quite obvious he was quite angry. We do love each other and want to reconcile but because of what the moulanas here have said we are now living apart. The witnesses present at the time were not the witnesses that were present at our nikah, only 1 was present. Everyone else was there by default (my dad helped me to pack my stuff and his parents, well not sure how they got there). We do want to reconcile but our families are making it very difficult. Please help. We were only married for 2 weeks and he was taking lots of medication for a broken hand which obviously made him even more frustrated. Is this valid or not? I am trying to explain to everyone that talaq is a procedure and nobody tried to arbitrate on our behalf, everybody just said its over.

PostMan said...

Salam Anonymous.

My commiserations. Unfortunate that two people have to live separately though they are legally bound to and even want but can't.
First thing first. Divorce did not take place. It is a proper procedure. As I have repeated many times above in the comments - your case is the same. Pronouncing divorce when angry won't result in Divorce.

The role of maulana is now so significant that you have to take his certificate to live together, which obviously has no stipulation in Islam or Quran. So keep talking with everyone and anyone who matters in your lives (not the maulana of course), talk with your husband and live together. There is nothing that can separate you.

My prayers.