Showing posts with label cricket. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cricket. Show all posts

Monday, October 01, 2012

The Most Tortured Fan

Yes there is one. No kidding. Seriously. A Pakistani Cricket fan is the most tortured soul in this world - the tormentors being the Pakistani Cricket Team itself who offer the most nerve wrecking play of all cricket playing countries.

My sympathies with them. The fans I mean.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

No Balls

Q: What does it take to be a Pakistani Cricketer?
A: No Balls.

It has been reported that People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has asked the three Pakistani cricketers currently embroiled in Spot Fixing scandal to represent them in an advertisement that advises cat and dog neutering. According to them

“No-balls may be a bad thing in cricket, but for dogs and cats, ‘no balls’ are a lifesaver,”

“Countless other animals, including many in Pakistan, struggle to survive on the streets — starving and being hit by vehicles and abused by cruel people.

“‘Fixing’ dogs and cats by having them spayed or neutered is the key to ending this suffering.”

(Link)

I totally support this move. I further suggest that the International Cricket Council (ICC), the games governing body, should also make a neutering advertisement for cricketers that are involved in Match or Sport Fixing and these three should be the ones in the first of the planned series of advertisements - after being given the treatment of course. That should do good.

Related Post
- This Aint Cricket
- Pakistani Cricket & Erectile Dysfunction
- PostMan's First Law of Pakistani Cricket Motion
- Beavis & Ijaz Butt

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

This Aint Cricket

Well its a case of cow-dung hitting the fan. Only in this case, one realizes that the instance has happened before couple of times and you have been in the same room all along.

Pakistanis are again in the news regarding Match Fixing allegations. Although, to be more specific, these allegations relate to Spot Fixing rather than Match Fixing but still they ultimately lead to match fixing. I lost my interest in cricket way back in 90s when Wasims and Salim Maliks of this world were accused to various things. It was a mix platter perhaps. Wasim's weird acts on fields like Banglore Quarter final. The damning judicial probe in which our 'stars' did not cooperate at all. The judge in the match fixing probe wrote that things were murkier as Wasim only got the benefit of the doubt because Ata ur Rehman changed his testimony. Some of the cricketers were fined. Perhaps it was Ijaz Ahmad, a lobster with weird human like movements who somehow always managed to get his leg before the wicket. Perhaps the loss to Bangladesh in 1999 World Cup nailed it for me.

Anyways. The pathetic performance in cricket field was stunningly acted out according to the script laid out by a certain Mr. Mazhar Majeed. To be fair, these are just allegations and nothing has been proved yet as investigations are still continuing but you never know. Had the investigation been in Pakistan then you would certainly know that nothing would happen. The report will be hidden somewhere, if there are bans and fines then they will be lowered/ removed for the greater good of Pakistani cricket. And that is where the real problem lies.

Various reasons have been put forward as to why Pakistanis 'would' indulge in match fixing. First one being that Pakistani cricketers are not educated. They have not been instilled with the morals and values of a dignified character. I beg to differ. Check our country from top to bottom - and I will not talk of President here. Our educated elite is the most corrupt whether they are generals, judges, politicians, journalists - all educated supposed to be instilled with all the good qualities - still involved in corruption. So education ranks low when it comes to finding the blame.

You can blame the society. Sure. But saying that since everyone is corrupt so what if the players did this? Saying 'this was just a case of spot-fixing, not match fixing! they did not give away the match! It was just 3 balls and had no impact whatsoever on the result of the match!' It is a down right stupid argument. Saying 'even Mark Waugh and Shane Warne did it' does not make it kosher an act! That was wrong. This is wrong. Sure our young cricketers do not have a role model but that does not mean that a negative role model be followed! If three no balls can be allowed then next time its the whole god damn match that will be on offer.

In this context it is said that our cricketers are paid low by the Board. Well give me a break! they earn too much compared to other sport players, they are even better than professionals working in banks! I do agree that 'black money' in cricket is huge. The betting syndicates in India and Pakistan are very active and have loads and loads of money at their disposal. And cricketers are in the target list.

Then there is thing called conspiracy and we Pakistanis just love it. The conspiracy says that Pakistani cricketers (bowlers) were targeted because they were performing really well. Honestly, this is the case of not focusing on why the cow-dung hit the fan but whether the cow-dung was thrown at the fan to slow it down. Ridiculous!

The Pakistan Cricket Board is in shambles led by a person who does not even know where he himself is going. The guy did not send Younis Khan on this England tour because he had a personal tiff with him. Amazing. The management who should have kept a check on players activities was no where.

For me, No Accountability is the only factor that results in the mess that Pakistani cricket finds itself in. Had we been fair to ourselves after the judicial commission report then many cricket
personalities should have been given the necessary treatment. After the debacle in Australia recently, the investigative report should have been released, why the fines and bans imposed should have been detailed. Why the fines and bans were removed should be explained! This is just a joke. And honestly the joke is on us - poor Pakistani fans.

And this sucks more. Why do I believe we will be taken once more for a ride.

Related Posts

- 'No Balls'
- Pakistani Cricket & Erectile Dysfunction
- PostMan's First Law of Pakistani Cricket Motion
- Beavis & Ijaz Butt

Friday, February 05, 2010

Monday, January 25, 2010

PostMan's First Law of Pakistani Cricket Motion

In absence of a (divine) force, Pakistani cricket will keep moving in a straight line of loss with constant speed.


Related Post

- PostMan's Law of Pakistani Cricket Team

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Pakistani Cricket and Erectile Dysfunction

Pakistani cricket team is afflicted with Erectile Dysfunction syndrome. They cant make a stand when its needed.

Monday, June 22, 2009

They Did It!

Pakistan won the Twenty-20 World Cup! Unbelievable really.

I had no where even imagined that Pakistani cricket team will win this world cup. This team had no prepared well leading to this world cup, cricket activities were bottom low when Australians had decided they will not be coming to Pakistan for security reasons, then the 'gracious' Sri Lankan's came who were given a nightmare in Lahore which they will not forget. The start for this world cup was horrible as Pakistani team lost the two warm up matches. Then came the news that things were not OK in the Pakistani camp as the captain and the manager were at loggerheads regarding 'the plans' (if there were any).

And still 'they' did it! I have to mention 'they' because no one had even thought that they'll reach the semi finals let alone win the world cup! So the Pakistani cricket team really did it. They even did it with clinical precision. How on earth Pakistan can win by batting second and that too by 8 wickets?! Hell No way! And the way they bowled in the start of the Sri Lankan inning was very professional.

The final with Sri Lanka was more than symbolic as last time they had met, tragedy struck in Lahore when terrorists opened fire at their bus as they were leaving for the stadium. They ultimately had to be taken out of stadium by a helicopter and left Pakistan the same night. The terrorists had struck at the heart of Pakistanis - the game of cricket. The look on every Pakistani's face that day was as if someone dear had passed away. Pakistani fans could not believe that this would be happening to them. And yesterday both of them were fighting it out to claim the throne of champions!

Terrorism lost! Cricket won! 'We' Won! Congrats!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

PostMan's Law of Pakistani Cricket Team

The probability of Pakistani cricket team moving to the next round in a tournament depends upon some other team in an other group loosing to an other by a certain margin.

PostMan's Fact on Pakistani Cricket Team

Pakistani Team cant.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Pakistan Women Cricket Team

*tuning in the radio*

*low signal* ... *noise* ..

In sports news, words just in... *noise*

.. that Pakistan's women cricket team have beaten the West Indies with 2.1 overs to spare...

What the...?! We have a women cricket team?! and they won against West Indies?!

*signal varying... turning the dial*

.. they beat their windies counterparts in the super six stage of the Woman's Cricket World Cup...

*mouth wide-open*
huh? World Cup? Super Six?

... earlier in group matches Pakistani women had beaten Sri Lanka to qualify for the next round...

*jaws dropping*

Beaten Sri Lanka too?! Damn! Why don't I know of it?!

*radio host to me* *idiot.. had they NOT gone to attend the world cup and had been stopped from appearing in it just because they are women.. then you would have heard about it and you would have even written a post on it. dumb ass.*

*Goofy face*

Go ladies! Kick ass!
Unbelievable.

Related Posts

- 'No Balls'
- This Aint Cricket
- Pakistani Cricket & Erectile Dysfunction
- PostMan's First Law of Pakistani Cricket Motion
- Beavis & Ijaz Butt

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Pakistan - Cricket Cheats

Remember that Oval Test which Pakistan 'forfeited', the first in 129 years of cricket? Well the ghost is back. In that Test Match, Umpire Darrel Hair had accused Pakistan of ball tampering, awarded penalty to Pakistan without telling what had happened to the bewildered Pakistani team. When Pakistani team refused to come out on field to protest the incident, he called off the match citing forfeiture by Pakistan! Lovely incident.

English Coach Duncan Fletcher has been musing in his autobiography regarding Pakistani cricketers which actually portrays his mentality. "England staff used binoculars to monitor Pakistan players they suspected of ball tampering during last year’s forfeited Test at the Oval". Fletcher writes that the England coaching staff were, “interested in what the Pakistanis were doing with the ball.”. Basically he considers Pakistani cricketers as cheats.

He further elucidates.. “Using binoculars, we began examining the Pakistanis closely in the field because we thought we had picked something up.”


And now the icing.. He added: “We could not understand how they were able to get it to reverse swing so early in the innings. With the lush outfields it had been a problem for us all series".

Asshole has branded the whole Pakistani team as cheat just becasue "they could not do it"?! Who the hell he thinks he is? In early 90's when Waqar Younis and Wasim Akram out English cricketers to smithreens by the deadly fast bowling and lethal yorkers - The english press had called us Cheats! Morons! ALan Lamb and Ian Botham sued Imran Khan in courts for that!

When Michael Atherton was caught using dirt in his pocket to tamper the ball in South Africa - nothing happened much. He was not a pakistani I guess otheriwse hell would have broken loose.

And surprise surprise.. they use the same "cheating methods" to beat Australia in Ashes in 2005! Dunacan Fletcher was the coach! and then they were titled Officer of the British Empire - OBE! wtf.